The demons we create in
our imaginations, often haunt us throughout our lives! This is the story of my
fear, of a nemesis that has bothered me till now. I want to note this down
here, because I suspect that even when my memories would be lost, the elusive
fear would keep troubling me! Such demons often take shape in the innocent minds
of children but remain rooted in their personalities. The same thing happened
with me.
My maternal grandfather
used to live in a village named Murigaon, a few kilometers away from Shahapur
in Thane, Maharashtra. As a child, I used to visit him during my summer vacations.
The village of Murigaon is a remote one and even as a child, I felt that it was
far away from the modern developments of a township. My grandfather had an
orchard and a small two-storied bungalow there. After his retirement and my grandma’s
death, he decided to live there along with his old manservant. I was seven
years old when I first visited Murigaon and fell in love with its huge
diversity of Mother Nature. Living in Dehradun, I had always loved the
richness of natural resources, but Murigaon was different! The vast expanses
of open land, the unending expanses of croplands, the picturesque setup of
trees, everything was like a huge, colorful, LIVE painting! The surroundings of
Murigaon was inhabited mostly by local tribal folks, whose primary profession
was agriculture and fishing at the nearby Bhatsa river.
My grandfather was a
great storyteller and I often spent my time listening to his constant
discourses. As a kid, I enjoyed whatever he told me. As a child I believed
every word he spoke. One of the stories that he used to tell me was that of
Karutika! Yes, the name might sound weird, but it has remained engraved in my
imagination. My grandfather told me that Karutika was a tribal demon who lived
on human sacrifice! He even gave me a very old photograph of Karutika and my
infant mind was appalled by the sight! Even in the back-and-white photograph,
the grotesque look of the demon god was clearly visible with his serpentine
hair, long teeth and dreadfully large eyes! For years, I remained terrified by
it and everybody in my family knew it. At times, when I became unruly in my
behaviors, my mother even resorted to scaring me by the name of Karutika. Years
have passed, my grandfather is no more, my parents are no more, but the elusive
fear of Karutika still remains buried in my heart. Even today, in my
subconscious mind, I have experienced fear that I can relate with Karutika.
Last week, I took a bold
decision! Knowing well that soon I would be drowned by the impending amnesia, I
decided to go face-to-face with my most dreaded nemesis… Karutika! Over the
weekend, I took a train to Shahapur and from there I hired a local taxi to go to
Murigaon. My plan was to return back within a day. As we reached Murigaon, it
was almost twilight and I asked the taxi driver to stay with me in the old bungalow
of my grandfather. Even though nobody lives there now, a temporary caretaker
visits the place every day for maintenance. We got inside the bungalow with the
help of this caretaker (a local fellow who knew me well), freshened up and sat
for dinner. After the meal, around 9:30PM, I headed out, with a powerful
torchlight in my hand.
As I walked through the
muddy lanes in the darkness, my heart started to beat faster. I knew where the temple
of Karutika was located, but had never dared to visit it. It was almost after a
decade that I was visiting Murigaon, even though I had religiously paid for the
maintenance of the orchard and the bungalow. The dark blanket of the night had
engulfed everything and I tiptoed through the wilderness, all alone. As I
reached the decrepit stone structure, my heart was almost in my mouth! I slowly
entered the dilapidated shrine of the demon god. A small earthen lamp was
glowing faintly and in that light I saw it… the terrifying figure of Karutika!
Even at this age, I felt like I would faint out of fear!
However, I was determined
that I must kill the demon within me! Everywhere there was a deafening silence
and that is what made the entire atmosphere even more unbearable. The hooting
of an owl somewhere added to the drama. I stood there for almost ten minutes
and kept staring at the idol. Just as things were settling down through my
nerves, something happened! There was a loud shriek and a cry in a feminine
voice. I almost got a heart-attack and stumbled down near the foot of the idol with
fear! But then, a figure appeared. It was the figure of a middle aged tribal
woman, holding an infant in her lap! She emerged from a corner of the shrine
and I felt that she was perhaps hiding there ever since I arrived!
The woman came near me
and sobbed profusely and began to speak in a mixed tone, “Sire… God Karutika
has listened to my prayer! My child was born speechless, two months ago. The
local soothsayer told me that my child can only be cured by Karutika and for
that I must live here with her alone and wait for the incarnation of the deity
to arrive. On the day, the incarnation of Karutika would come, my child would
utter her first sound!”
I kept staring at her,
speechless, while she continued, “Today, after you arrived, my child gave out
her first cry! I have heard her first sound! She is no longer a mute! She has
been cured! You are the incarnate of Karutika… thank you God for curing my
child!”
With the above words,
the woman touched my feet several times, hugged me and gave the little child on
my lap to bless her! The baby was crying loudly and tears started to roll down
my cheeks. The woman gave me a fruit, as her offering and then ran away into
the forest. I cannot state the emotion that my heart experienced, but it was
definitely not that of FEAR! I looked at the idol of Karutika, winked at him
and then quickly headed back to the bungalow. Early at dawn, I asked the taxi
driver to take me back to Shahapur, because I wanted to avoid any further
confrontation with the tribal folks and play with their innocent emotions.
****
As I sit down at my
writing desk, today, and note down incidences of last week, I must write that
there is indeed a thin line between what we consider as DEMON or what we believe
as DEITY. In fact, the thin line is invisible and fades inconspicuously!
Karutika, the DEMON or
DEITY, whom my childhood imaginations had feared so much, has today washed away
all my dreads and has proved that fear or faith is simply a manmade effect. The
true emotion that the almighty has given us is LOVE.
When my memory would be
eaten away, my journal here would remind me that my fear is indeed confounded
and Karutika is a symbol of HOPE that I must follow.
