As time flies by and my
ailment advances, a fear, a hidden anxiety has begun to grip my mind. There are
so many things I want to remember. There are so many incidences, so many
people, so many experiences, so many emotions that I really want to remember
after my amnesia overwhelms my existence. However, I find that many of these
memories are already forgotten. Is it because of my amnesia or simply a natural
oblivion? I don’t know. Yet, the anxiety keeps mounting! Just as I was trying
to find a way to cope up with this turmoil, something happened… something
really wonderful. I met Dr. Prabhakar!
My doctor referred me to
Dr. Prabhakar a couple of days ago. Dr. Prabhakar is a psychiatrist and lives a
couple of blocks away from my house. Looking at the mounting anxiety level, my
doctor felt that I needed professional support and suggested his name to me.
The first phrase that came to my mind when I heard his name was, “I am not
going mad! Why do I need to visit a psychiatrist? I am not a mental patient by
any measure!”
I expressed my irritation
and reluctance to my doctor but he insisted with the words, “Just go and meet
him casually. I personally recommend this to you. Trust me, your anxiety will
vanish in no time!”
With an unwilling
mindset, I decided to visit Dr. Prabhakar on a Sunday. Yesterday I got an
opportune time and went to his house around 11 AM. As I arrived, the first
thing that grasped my imagination was the subtle serenity of the house. The
two-storeyed house looked like a mini bungalow. The white color of the walls
radiated an aura of happiness and cheer and my first impression slowly began to
become positive. I walked up to the gate and knocked on the door. A housekeeper
let me inside and made me sit on the sofa. Within a few moments, Dr. Prabhakar
arrived from another room. He was about six feet tall, moderately fair
complexioned, thin and athletic in body built and wore a stubble around his
chin. Even through the rimless glasses of his spectacles, I could see his
large, bright and expressive eyes.
Dr. Prabhakar had a
personality that carried an equal charisma in his character, just like the
serene house, that clicked a positive note in my heart. I felt comfortable in
his presence and the initial introduction made me at ease even more.
I poured out my heart to
him and revealed the innermost causes of my present anxiety. I asked eagerly, “I
want to remember so many things. But when I try to write them down, I find that
there are so many things that I have completely forgotten! Sir, I cannot
control this anxiety. What should I do?”
Dr. Prabhakar replied, “Mr.
Pravin, first come with me please. I want you to meet somebody.”
I followed him and we
went into an adjacent room. It was a pretty spacious room with large windows
ushering in the bright sunlight. At one corner sat a frail old lady on a
wheelchair. A nurse was standing beside her while she stared outside the
window. Hearing our footsteps, the old lady looked at us. There was a tranquil
smile on her face and she waved lightly at us and then looked back at the
window again.
“Mr. Pravin, she is my
mother. At the age of 88 years, she is completely at peace. But, do you know
why?” asked Dr. Prabhakar, as we went back to the living room and sat on the
sofa.
I didn’t know what to say.
Dr. Prabhakar continued, “Most of her memory is gone. It is a natural
progression with age. She has seen many calamities, many hardships, many
deaths, many sorrows. However, peace and tranquility is her biggest gift now.
And this is the gift of OBLIVION.”
I was slowly digesting
the discourse while Dr. Prabhakar spoke, “Mr. Pravin, the human brain is not
just trained to remember… it is also trained to forget!”
I smiled on hearing his
words and Dr. Prabhakar continued further, “We should not, rather we must not
remember everything! That would be so painful. Can you imagine how painful it
would be if we remember every incidence when we got hurt, or felt pain? How
miserable it would be if every time we try to write something, we remember how
we first learnt to while letters of the alphabet. Think, how sad it would be if
the grief of losing a loved-one is not washed away with time. Life would be a
mess then! OBLIVION is a bliss… it is a gift of GOD that helps us to be happy!”
I said, “Your words are
very true Dr. Prabhakar. I think I understand what you are hinting towards.”
Dr. Prabhakar touched my
hands softly and said, “Mr. Pravin… Be happy that you have forgotten some
things. It is best to forget some things. That is how Mother Nature has created us. Your inner soul would make you
remember what needs to be remembered. You note that down in your journal, and
let go of the rest. Cherish this gift of forgetting… this will keep you happy!”
I came back home with a
heart that was free of the burden which was building up for the past couple of
days. I understood, I understand and I am really delighted that I met Dr.
Prabhakar. Truly, OBLIVION is a bliss and my diary is a true reflection of who I
am.
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